When we were young at heart, we were taught to make friends as kids in ways that are now unhealthy, and don’t benefit us as adults. Okay, hear me out before you become offended over you and your bestie of 15 years. I say that because as an adult, I realize being friends, and being friendly is not the same thing. I’ve lately been really self examining my relationships. I see women, some who I call friend recently meet someone, and suddenly they are friends, What was the catch? My brain is silently like, you just met someone, and now they're your friend? Your dating situation didn't work out, and now the two of you are friends? Uh, the problem I have with this is: friendship is built, not claimed without no substance!
Sometimes we rush into friendships with people to maintain connections, but to be honest it isn't always the healthiest decision, or the most genuine response. A friendship is a mutual agreement and investment from both individuals. It's important to vet people for friendship, just as you would vet someone as a significant partner. As my grandmother would say, “You may know many people, but you don't have many friends.” As we evolve, our friendships will either bloom or wither. It can be easy to think people should just understand and get you, especially if you all have known each other for many, many years. But just like a romantic relationship, friendships benefit from consistency, communication and mutual effort.
It's important to continue getting to know your friends, and be open to seeing their different sides as they evolve. All healthy friendships require a strong foundation built on positive experiences, and God’s Word. Consistency, is vital because even if we like someone, we will begin to question where we stand with them if they can't make time for us. If one constantly puts you on the back burner while prioritzing others. Ultimately, in the end making us feel unsafe, or unloved in the friendship. Maybe that could be an acquaintance being friendly vs. a friend caring.
Without vulnerability, the friendship doesn't have the chance to deepen, which means there will always be a feeling of distance between the two of you. My recipe for genuine friendship is: consitency, communication, more positive experiences over the negative ones, honesty and vulnerability with God at the center (don’t leave Him out). All five things need to work together to make a friendship last. If one of these things becomes unbalanced, the friendship can still last if you all can communicate effectively with God and each other to get the relationship back on track.
"Remember a friend doesn’t have to tell you every little detail about their life to be your friend." ~Shenine Wiggs
At some point you will gradually realize that you're spending a lot of time and energy trying to maintain numerous superficial relationships, and must decide to spend the little time you have pouring into friendships that have the chance to stand the test of time. Remember, “there's a difference between being in someone's business to gossip, and being in someone's corner to be available.” Some people associate friendship with how much they know about someone. But, knowing everything about someone doesn't make you all friends, nor the other party secretive.
People are allowed to tell you things when they're ready, or not at all. Why? It’s their business to tell! Friendship is a choice and your only concern is figuring out if the person is a genuine friend, nice acquaintance, or friendly enemy. Do they make constant effort to connect with you, or is effort only made when you call, text, write, gift, or visit?
So, guard your heart and choose wisely!